Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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