I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
