have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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