I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it because I queefed?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
