Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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