his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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