That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
