were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
