my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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