thus making me awesome and them whores
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
