I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
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