Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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