WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
