she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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