I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
