you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
