someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
