I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think your dad took our porno
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
