I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Mom said you looked used
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
