Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
