You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
