my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize