I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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