My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
