There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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