Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
