I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You need Xanax blowdarts
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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