If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
