i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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