I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
