I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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