It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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