Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
