dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
