Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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