I wish my penis had an off switch
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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