you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
