Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
