My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
