Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
