i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
