i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
