We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize