Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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