im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
