Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My penis needs a shock collar
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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