Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
