you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
