Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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