So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize