Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
