Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
