I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize