i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
