I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
