As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
