SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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