There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
