omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
