It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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