do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
