we have pet lesbian snakes
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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