we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
