she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
