dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
