see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
