These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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