I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
