what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
