I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
